One of the strangest things I have encountered in this lifetime is to be so close to someone, to be best friends with someone and to live and breathe someone for so long, then time passes, and its like you never knew each other.
I saw pictures of my ex online tonight and thankfully, they didn't make me sad. They really did trip me out thou because I looked at him, I saw his eyes, his face, his personality, in those pictures... yet I did not recognize a single part of him. My ex and I have broken up 4...yes FOUR times before... but never have we been this distant. We kept getting back together but this time is and was different. We both knew that this "was it"... we were both done. We tried to be friends for so long, but just couldn't do it. (side note: being friends with an ex of 7 years is IMPOSSIBLE! I BEG to differ!!)
When I saw pics of him tonight, I looked at him like he was someone I didn't know. The truth is... he IS someone I don't know. He is nothing like the person I dated, in good ways and in bad. He is just... different. I still think he's incredibly handsome, of course, but I am not at all attracted to him like I was at one time. Physically, sure... but looking at the person he is...the person he has become..., yahhh not so much. He's a nice guy, don't get me wrong. But would I date him again? No! Would I want to marry a person like that? Never. He just isn't the person I was in love with.
But that is GREAT! I would hate to see him still being the love of my life, just not with me. Fortunately, he no longer is the love of my life and never will be again. It honestly took me moving to Hawaii, and me falling head over heels for someone (didn't work out...) to realize the kinds of guys that are out there... Ones that really will show you their love. Guys that are so proud of you that they can't even wait to show you off.... Guys that want to settle down with you... Guys that don't want to lose you.
I hate to say "one man's trash is another man's treasure" but, realistically, its true... No, I don't believe I was "trash" to my ex, but I do believe I was completely under-appreciated and I do believe I deserve better. Since we have broken up, I have gotten very close to getting better. And, I'm only 25... So I have many years to get someone better. I know what I deserve now, and I know what I can get.
Settling is no longer an option.
If I'm 30....35....40.... and alone, so be it. Better to be with someone who loves me (myself, of course) than to be in a relationship with someone stringing me along, right?
We only get one chance...this is it... and I refuse to be just "someone" to a guy. I want to be "everything" to someone. And I won't settle until I find that guy who considers me his everything.
No comments:
Post a Comment