What Love has Taught me

In two days, it will be 10/10/10.  It really has got me thinking about how fast your life can change.  How fast the carpet can be ripped out from under your feet and your life can change in every aspect.

Since about 2005, Justin and I talked about the day we would marry: Sunday 10/10/10, also our 7 year anniversary.  I planned an entire wedding—I had the colors, my bridesmaids, my venue, everything.  I planned it to a tee, regardless of the lack of a ring I had.

And now the day is here.  The day that for the past 5 years, I thought would be my wedding day.  But God had other plans.  I struggled with His change of plans at first, but I’ve accepted them now.  Yet, it is still hard to think that I spent thousands of hours dreaming up a wedding that will never exist.

One thing I have learned as an outcome of all this, is that you can never really plan ahead.  You have absolutely no way of knowing what the future could hold.  And if you could know—would you want to?  Five years ago, if someone told me on 10/10/10 that Justin and I would no longer be together, I would have been devastated.  So I guess I would have chosen to be blindfolded to my future.

So many things in life make us question “What If”… What if I never met Justin? What if we never dated? What if I would have known we wouldn’t last in the long run? Would I have changed anything?

As easy as it is to say, “I wish we never dated”, the truth is I don’t regret any of it.  Justin taught me so much—about life, about myself, about the world in general.

He taught me that not everyone thinks of marriage in the same terms.  Not everyone believes in it.

He taught me that you can love someone with every ounce you have, and it can still not be enough to make a relationship work.

He taught me that I want to be taken care of and not be the one always doing the caring for someone else.

He taught me that I will be a good wife when I meet the man worthy of my love.

He taught me that I deserve to receive the same amount of love that I give to another.

So, I don’t regret meeting him.  Sometimes I wish I could have figured out his intentions, or lack there of, a little sooner.  But, all in all, I’m glad I went through the heartbreak I did.  I’m glad I learned so many vital lessons that will help me in future relationships. 

But mostly—I learned how I can persevere.  I learned how strong I really am.

And baby, I’m unbreakable.